This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
