we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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