you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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