R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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