Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
