Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
