Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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