Welp...herpes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
