So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
