Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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