If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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