If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
