yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
