The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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