Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
