that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
worst night to have a conscience
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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