the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your cock deserves a montage
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
