Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize