Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
