u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
