I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
