Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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