Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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