I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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