Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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