I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have feelings that need drinking.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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