My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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