get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
