You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
