I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
