My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
