Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
