I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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