Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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