Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
