dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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