my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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