somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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