So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
