he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
