He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
