i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
