how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize