so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
