I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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