I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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