You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
