tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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