it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have aggressive nipples.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
