i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
