I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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