Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
