I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
