need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
