Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
