well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
