dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
