So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
