Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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