You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
