Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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