I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
