so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
