nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
