you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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