I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
