i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
