I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
