If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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