Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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