im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
