Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize