omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Pooping to opera.
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