i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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