i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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