I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
