So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
