I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
