Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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