She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
