I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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