Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
