Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
