Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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