Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
