im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
