We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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